How hating my face always affected my self confidence
I've never been an out there loud person and I always used to be pretty quiet. This was never through lack of wanting to say something, but because I stopped myself as I was always so self-conscious of how I looked. I hated my nose and teeth and if I said something and all eyes were on me then they'd see my nose and teeth and yeah. Paranoid. So the self-consciousness consumed me and the quietness grew.
The bullying didn't help.
At school I was bullied for my looks. The bullies made me turn to the side in science class so they could measure my nose with a ruler and proceeded to nickname me Concorde. For almost 20 years after, I cringed whenever I heard the word Concorde or even just when someone mentioned nose. The mention of the word nose brought about a panic inside me and I became consumed again with the fear that everyone must be thinking what a huge nose I have. I grew to hate my nose myself and it became a daily obsession, until now.
I underwent surgery this year after hating my nose for 20 years. Not just because of the bullies, but because I genuinely believe I disliked it myself too. It affected me daily and I had to do something. It wasn't a decision I made lightly and you can read more about my thoughts on plastic surgery here.
It's been three months and it's still pretty swollen. It's not something you'll notice, but I can tell. It will take around one year for the swelling to totally subside. The operation took four and a half hours. It was a very complicated nose.
The first selfie of me in around 5 years:
I never knew if I'd share my story on my blog, but it feels better writing some of it down. I didn't tell many people I was having rhinoplasty and as far as I can tell those who didn't know haven't even noticed, even though there is a considerable difference!
That goes to show other people see beyond what you believe your flaws to be. But I didn't do it for them. I did it for me.
Since having children and starting my own business my confidence has boomed. I’m never going to be an out there person who chats away with ease to anyone and everyone, that’s just not me. I am quietly confident. If I feel comfortable with someone I can seriously talk their socks off, but I’m not one for blabbering on about anything and everything just to fill a silence. I hate small talk and prefer to talk about things I am passionate about instead of gibberish. Though Ben may disagree with this! I’m confident in my beliefs, thoughts and lifestyle, just sadly not my appearance which has always held me back. Hopefully it won’t for much longer.
I'm learning to embrace my new look and I hope I'll start to feel confident in front of the cameras soon and take pictures with my children. I still have a brace, but I hope I'm half way with that process. Once the brace is off I really need to work on my own self love and be confident with how I look. I feel like life is too short to be bogged down by a lack of confidence over how I look, so I'm glad I'm doing something about it.
Surgery may be drastic, but I think I was too scarred mentally to change how I thought about myself and so had to go down the surgery route. I'm glad I did as I feel my nose is a million times better, even with the swelling. I'll never have a small nose, but I love the new shape and have already lost that dreaded fear of what my nose looks like when meeting new people. It's stopped consuming my thoughts every day and once my teeth are done I'll be able to get on with my life once and for all and put all my negative thoughts about my looks behind me.