How I’ve turned into the mother I didn’t want to be

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how i’ve turned into the mother i didn’t want to be! lylia rose uk lifestyl

How I’ve turned into the mother I didn’t want to be!

Before having children I had an ideal picture in my head of the mother I wanted to be.  I’d be a cool, collected, calm person who only used the positive praise approach as discipline.  There would be no shouting, anger, stress or tears.  It would be perfect and wonderful and our house would be the ‘house of smiles’.  I would be firm but fair if needed, and I’d never ever lose my temper.  I read lots of books and articles before having my first child and agreed with their approach.  I would and could be this perfect mother.

Oh how idyllic that scene would be and oh how wrong I was, because my first darling baby one day turned into a three year old.  A three year old who could answer back, refuse to do what I ask, take clothes off I just put on, be asked the same thing 20 times and ignore me, hide from me when we have an appointment to get to, shout at me, pour milk all over the table and play with it, refuse to go to the toilet and then need it as soon as we’ve left the house, tip up the box of lego I’ve just spent ten minutes tidying away,  lie face down on the floor playing dead when it’s time to leave for playschool.

Basically, I have a normal three year old child who pushes boundaries, is striving for independence and is beginning to make the connection between right and wrong.  She is a lovely well behaved child for the most part, who of course is my world, but almost every day the threenager will rear its ugly head! 

I am glad she is going through this stage as of course it will have a positive outcome as she learns to make the right decisions and do things for herself, but boy oh boy, it can be frustrating at times!

Here are six things I now do which the ‘pre pre-schooler’ me would be horrified at:

  1. Use a ‘Naughty Chair’
    (because the word naughty is humiliating according to the books, well actually, it often works)
  2. Put Bella to bed if she is being super unreasonable
    (because the books say the bedroom should be a tranquil place and not associated with negative feelings, but just the mention of an early bedtime can do the trick)
  3. Shout
    (not all the time, I don’t want to sound like I’m a shouty Mum and I still don’t want to be one,  but after repeating the same task/question a million times, a raised voice usually gets a response)
  4. Lose Patience
    (sadly I’ve learnt my patience levels aren’t as infinite as I had hoped)
  5. Bribe with a treat
    (sometimes it’s the only way to get her through a boring trip of the supermarket or keep happy on a long journey, I’m pretty annoyed at myself for this one though and try to only use ‘Bear’ fruit snacks as treats)
    (I’m not actually sure what I’m meant to do when I reach one, maybe the illegal naughty chair?  But we’ve not reached one yet)

I’m sure there are many more methods I use which I never thought I would, but you just can’t know the type of parent you’ll be until you’re in the situation and each age definitely comes with its new set of challenges.

Are you the parent you thought you’d be or did you resort to methods you swore never to do?



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  1. Yes, we've all had the good intentions, and broken them from time to time. I shout way too much and I hate it, but sometimes they just have me at the end of my tether! It happens I guess. But I console myself that at least I have the good intentions in the first place, and I'm trying my best. That has to count for something, right? *** VICTORIA'S REPLY *** Yes, I hate shouting! But seem to do it daily sometimes. Usually after asking the same thing 20 times and being ignored each time, so a shout then gets a response!! I'm sure my three year old already has selective hearing and can block out my voice!! :P

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  2. My girls are 8 & 7 and I was the same as you. Pictured the same things!! But unfortunately kids don't go by the book!! If what works for you and Bella then that's the right path to follow. I hate shouting too! My girls have iPads now and apparent iPad endured hearing loss so shouting is becoming more frequent! Motherhood is going to be the most challenging thing you'll ever do but the most rewarding x *** VICTORIA'S REPLY - Thanks for your comment Lyndsey :) Oh yes, Bella is an expert at totally blanking me when the TV or iPad is entertaining her. We now try to use the iPad as a treat as she loves it so much and I can see an addiction starting! ***

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  3. Too funny :) Yes, been there, done that. Feeling ready and broody to start a family is Nature's way of keeping the human race going. You get the warm and fuzzy feeling of having a perfect family, and think you and your children will be the most perfect family in the whole world and life will be just like a fairytale. Well folks, real family life just ain't like that! However, as we all will agree, it is worth it 'in the end' I took stacks and stacks of Home Videos of my three growing up and I am so glad I did. Every time I have popped a DVD on and see my three, I never think of those 'screaming, why did I have kids' times, I so wish I could climb into the television and squeeze them so tight and play and have fun all over again. PS....the ONE thing I tell everybody is ALWAYS take videos and photos of your children growing up. No need to get them posing, natural ones are the best. You won't regret it, I am so glad I did. Victoria....breathe in, breathe out and repeat lol xxx VICTORIAS REPLY - Haha! Your comment made me laugh, breathe in and out. Deep breath, count to three! I have made both Bella and Reuben a baby scrap book which is so precious and I continue to make a family album with my favourite monthly photos in. It's going to be so precious to look over in years to come :) Ben is better at taking videos than me - I really need a new phone with more storage as mine doesn't have much and tells me it's full every other day! Kids are so much fun, most of the time!! :P Can't even imagine not having them now :) xx

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