Learn what the terrible twos really are, why they happen, and practical tips to handle tantrums and toddler behaviour with patience and understanding.

What are the terrible twos?

The terrible twos is a phrase most parents hear before their little one even turns two. It’s that stage of toddler development where independence starts to bloom, and with it, a whole new set of challenges.

So, what exactly are the terrible twos? It’s the period, typically between 18 months and 3 years, when children begin asserting their will — often through tantrums, screaming, refusing to cooperate, or saying “no” to almost everything. This stage marks a big leap in emotional, social, and language development. Your toddler is learning they have their own opinions, but they haven’t yet mastered how to express them calmly.

Common signs of the terrible twos include:

• Sudden tantrums or emotional meltdowns over small things

• Refusing food, clothes, or routine tasks

• Saying “no” to everything

• Kicking, biting, or screaming when frustrated

• Wanting to do everything themselves

It can be exhausting, yes — but it’s also completely normal.

Why do the terrible twos happen?

Understanding why this phase happens makes it a lot easier to handle.

The terrible twos are all about development. Your toddler’s brain is growing rapidly, and they’re starting to experience emotions they can’t yet manage. They’re learning autonomy — the idea that they’re a separate person from you — and that can feel confusing for them.

Imagine wanting something desperately but not having the words to explain it. That frustration often turns into tears or shouting. Their communication and emotional regulation skills are still catching up, which is why patience and consistency are so important during this time.

Sleep, hunger, and overstimulation also play big roles. A tired or hungry toddler is far more likely to lose control of their emotions. Creating consistent routines can help prevent many outbursts before they start.

How long do the terrible twos last?

Parents often ask, how long do the terrible twos last? The truth is, it varies.

For some children, the phase is brief and mild. For others, it can stretch well into age three or even four. Every child develops differently. Some may skip most tantrums altogether, while others experience daily struggles as they learn to manage big feelings.

Typically, this phase starts between 18 and 24 months and gradually improves as language and understanding develop. The more your toddler learns to express themselves, the fewer meltdowns you’ll see. 

Signs your toddler is entering the terrible twos

You might notice a shift in your child’s behaviour long before their second birthday. Early signs often include: 

• Increased use of “no” or ignoring requests

• Sudden frustration over small tasks

• Wanting independence with dressing, eating, or play

• Short bursts of anger or tears when things don’t go their way

• Difficulty sharing or taking turns

Recognising these signs early helps you prepare and respond calmly rather than reactively.

How to deal with the terrible twos

Knowing how to deal with toddler tantrums is key to keeping your sanity and helping your child learn.

Here are some practical tips for parents coping with the terrible twos:

• Stay calm: Your toddler learns from your reaction. Keeping your voice calm and steady helps them feel safe even when they’re upset.

• Offer choices: Instead of commands, give simple options. “Do you want the red cup or the blue one?” helps them feel in control.

• Stick to routines: Predictable schedules give toddlers a sense of security and reduce emotional overload.

• Praise good behaviour: Positive reinforcement works wonders. Notice and celebrate when they cooperate or communicate well.

• Avoid power struggles: Sometimes walking away from the tantrum and returning when they’re calm is more effective than arguing.

• Keep transitions smooth: Warn them before changing activities — for example, “In five minutes, we’re going to tidy up.”

Toddlers thrive on structure and empathy. The goal isn’t to stop tantrums completely, but to guide your child through them.

What to avoid during the terrible twos

While it’s tempting to raise your voice or give in just to stop the crying, it can backfire in the long run.

Try to avoid: 

• Yelling or showing anger

• Overusing “no”

• Bribing with sweets or screens every time they act out

• Giving inconsistent boundaries

Calm, consistent reactions teach your toddler that big feelings are okay, but certain behaviours aren’t acceptable.

When do tantrums become a concern?

Most tantrums are completely normal and fade with time. However, if your child’s behaviour becomes extreme — lasting more than 15–20 minutes, causing harm, or happening multiple times a day — it’s worth speaking to your GP or health visitor for advice.

Sometimes, frequent meltdowns can be linked to developmental, sensory, or communication differences, and early support can make a big difference.

A quick word about patience

The terrible twos can test even the calmest parent. There will be moments when you feel like hiding in the bathroom just for a breather (and honestly, that’s okay).

Remember, this stage is temporary. Every meltdown, every “no”, and every power struggle is helping your toddler grow into a confident, independent person. The key is to stay patient, model calm behaviour, and keep perspective — these moments don’t last forever.

Have I experienced the terrible twos?

Yes, absolutely.

When my own son hit this phase, the tantrums came thick and fast. Screaming in supermarkets, refusing coats in the rain, the works. He’d behave perfectly for others and save his wildest moods for me.

But over time, things settled. Once his speech improved, his frustration eased. What I learned most? That the terrible twos aren’t really “terrible” — they’re just a toddler’s way of saying, “I’m learning how to be me.”

Final thoughts on surviving the terrible twos

The terrible twos might be tough, but they’re also a natural part of growing up. With a mix of patience, understanding, and consistency, you can guide your child through this stage smoothly.

And remember, it’s not just about surviving it — it’s about helping your child learn how to navigate emotions in a healthy way.

 

 

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