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7 signs you need relationship counselling

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Relationships aren't always easy, and couples often go through rough patches. Difficult times in a relationship can be caused by anything from a minor disagreement about money that begins to snowball, to more significant life decisions such as having children or wrongdoings like infidelity. Whatever the cause, if you're interested in saving your relationship, you might want to consider seeing a relationship counsellor to help settle any differences you have with your partner - but how do you know when it’s the right time? This article will delve into seven signs that you and your partner should look into relationship counselling.

  1. You get the feeling that your partner isn't being honest 

It doesn't necessarily have to be lying about seeing someone else - it can be something as small as where they went on a night out, or even how long they spent with a friend. Either way, dishonesty can lead to the death of any relationship, so if you feel that your partner isn't telling you the whole truth, it could be a good idea to book a session with a relationship counsellor. Seeking advice from a professional should help get to the root of what's causing your partner to feel that they can't be entirely honest with you.

  1. Most conversations lead to fights 

Communication is essential for any healthy relationship, but if every time you have a discussion it results in a fight, there might be a few issues lurking under the surface that need to be addressed. However, it can sometimes be difficult to locate these issues without the conversation turning into a battle. In which case, having a counsellor there to help guide you and act as an impartial voice can be a great solution.

  1. Your partner acts indifferent to any situation

Sometimes, having an indifferent partner who seems to lack emotion is worse than having someone who's constantly willing to engage in an argument. This is because indifference shows a lack of care or interest in the relationship, and means they don't have the desire or energy even to fight to save the partnership. If this sounds familiar to either you or your partner, counselling might be a good option. Often in these situations, there is an underlying issue that needs to be brought up and discussed if the relationship is going to survive.

  1. Your relationship is lacking sexual contact

It’s quite common for sex to become less regular as time goes by, but if all sexual and other physical contact has ceased, there may well be something that needs to be addressed. Although it could be a sign of a bigger issue, don’t automatically assume your partner is cheating or isn't attracted to you  - often, other issues outside the relationship, such as work, can cause a loss of libido.  Lack of intimacy can be common after having kids.  Read more about how to keep your relationship strong after having kids.

  1. Your partner is always wrong

This might be hard for you to read, but if you feel your partner is always in the wrong, it could well mean that it is actually you who is causing the problems. One of the key components to a healthy relationship is accepting when you've made a mistake and apologising to your partner. If you find owning up to your mistakes too difficult, or you're simply unwilling to do it, speaking with a relationship counsellor might help you deal with what's causing your ego to get in the way. No one's perfect, so don't feel bad if you slip up from time to time - you're only human. 

  1. You’re going around in circles

If you find yourselves having the same argument over and over again, it can mean a number of things. Often, it can stem from a lack of closure at the end of the argument, or perhaps you or your partner not making the changes you promised to make. Whatever the issue, these types of arguments can leave tension in the air, which can, in time, become a burden and ultimately lead to the demise of the relationship. However, by seeking the help of a relationship counsellor, you can have an intermediary that will help you identify what's causing the arguments and put an end to them before things get out of hand. 

  1. Someone is being unfaithful 

Many will agree that nothing does quite as much damage to a relationship as infidelity. If you or your partner have been seeing other people behind each other's backs, the person you should actually be seeing is a counsellor. 

Relationships are most definitely marathons, not sprints. In every relationship, each individual will inevitably encounter unavoidable problems - however, these problems don't have to result in a split! More often than not, even seemingly disastrous issues can be worked through with the proper guidance. 

If this article has highlighted any issues you're having, speak to a relationship counsellor about how you and your partner can work on strengthening what you have together.


About the Author:  Amy Launder is an intersubjective psychotherapist with The Awareness Centre. Amy works with a variety of clients covering issues including low self-esteem, abuse, anxiety and depression.


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